navigating Santiago Airport

While on the plane, fill out the immigration and security papers. Use ink. Use the tiny table. Hope the person in front of you hasnt reclined his chair so the table is cutting you in half. Find a pen in your carry on that has been safely stowed beneath the seat ahead of you. Grunt and groan while you grope beneath the reclined seat, the table that is cutting you in half, retrieve your impossibly stowed carry on, dig for the pen you know is in there. Oops! You forgot to get out your passport that is safely stowed in your safely stowed carry on.
Plane lands, person in front has returned his seat to the upright position just in time to be obedient to the pilot's request. Retrieve your carry on, somehow stand up while 1000 people file past you to be the first ones off the plane. Never mind that the doors havent opened yet! Open overhead bin, remove soft stuff like your coat that was too big to go into the suitcase that is exactly the measurement required to be considered a "carry on" when is in actuality is a SUITCASE!!! Tighten your stomach, reach above your head and do the weightlifter's HUH and gently remove your SUITCASE without dropping it on someone. Grab your purse (whic h is actually the real carry on, your carry on that is actually a SUITCASE , your coat, check again for anything you might have dropped in your pleasant trip aboard Delta. Move forward slowly, bumping your carry on SUITCASE on everyother seat all the way from waaaayyyyy in the back, correct the position of everything b ecause they will all be oppositional till you get to the door. Smile at the uniforms who dont even look you in the eye as they thank you for flying with Delta.
The airport should be much better. After all, they have all those cute little shops...... No, we have to go through all these little stops before they will let us have our real suitcases (the ones we paid them $240 to first let them snoop through and then throw into the bottom of the plane. Thanks Saddam. Follow the arrows, follow all the people, follow where uniforms tell us to move. We all move at the same speed in the same direction. First stop: Pull out U$240 cash for the reciprocity fee. Apparently the USA charges Chileans this much to enter, so Chile does the same. The bills have to be perfect, no tears of ANY size, no ink, no writing, no folds. She rejects half our bills. We dont travel with lots and lots of perfect $20 bills. Luckily, with the help of the two sister missionaries we travelled with, we came up with the right stuff. The line to show our passports and get the official stamp was very long. Jay went to sit on a bench nearby and to wait till we were nearly at the front of the line. A uniform came over and wanted me to get out of line. Great! we're about to be sent back on the plane for another 12 hour flight. Mission over! But he was doing us a favor, as he escorted us directly to the booth where nobody was standing. We breezed on through. NOW we can get our real suitcases!
We found our luggage already being removed from the belt by a uniform. It had been there long enough, I guess. The four of us had a LOT of bags! We watched the uniform stack them onto the cart till it was nearly eyelevel. I motioned to him that he must be a weightlifter with lots of muscle. He smiled. He was probably thinking of the nice tip he'd get at the door. Follow more people, walk slowly, follow the tower of luggage as people stare, get to the baggage check to get OUT of the airport. My carry-on purse was taken aside and opened. Oh, man, I forgot about the orange in the bottom. He looked very displeased and stern. In Spanish he asked me if I spoke Spanish. I said no, cuz I dont. I attempt it. Anyway, he said that if he threw the orange away, it would be a U$240 fine, but if I did, there would be no fine. Guess what my decision was!!!!! Earlier, down at the baggage claim I watched a service dog get friendly with one of the sister missionary's purse. Apparently the dog is trained to smell fruit, cuz she had had a banana in there just a few hours earlier. But the dog must not like apples or oranges, cuz he didnt find the apple the other missionary had, nor my orange. Probably too much fruit isnt good for dogs, either. Numbs their noses????
Well, we made it. We were met my a missionary couple who heaved our suitcases into the back of the Mission van and they drove us to our apartment.